Monday, February 24, 2014

Ugh Blah Meh :(

Normally Sunday is MANI-DAY! I love spreading out my towel over the kitchen table, sorting through my big plastic storage bin of beautiful little colored bottles, picking out just the right shade that I'm in the mood for that day, and finding some kind of design that perfectly complements the color. Unfortunately today I was just in no mood for such things. I was stuck in the doldrums big time, and what's worse is that it started Friday night - I pretty much let my whole weekend with my awesome husband slip by with hardly any words exchanged between us :( 
It started on Friday night when we were out on our usual "date night" - coffee and donuts after work. Everything was going just fine and we were having a nice evening until the ride home. I was picking my lip and he told me that I was picking. He said I should stop and I said I didn't want to. As usual, I "shut down" and didn't want to talk to him anymore. Then he got mad which makes me shut down even more. I don't know what it is exactly; it's hard to explain. I think part of it is shame and embarrassment... anyone other than him would probably pretend not to notice and "politely" not say anything. But because we are so close nothing is off limits, and when he points it out I just wish I was a turtle so I could crawl into my shell and hide. Also, the fact that it makes him mad that I don't stop picking actually makes me mad! After all this time together (not to mention seeing a therapist last year), I just don't believe how he can think it is as easy as "Oh okay, I'll just stop doing that." The shame over being called out, the anger over his anger, and the frustration over not being able to stop puts me into a tailspin of sadness. When I was seeing the aforementioned therapist, we discussed my anxiety and depression a bit, but not as much as the picking itself. Perhaps I should have spoken up a bit more more about the depression, because it's definitely a problem. I just turn into a different person... I don't want to move, not even to get up off the couch to go to sleep. I'd rather just sit there spacing out. And once I finally do find my way to bed, I never want to get out. On Saturday I was looking at some blogs and posts by people with dermatillomania, and I found this interesting read by a young teenage girl. Two things she said jumped out at me:
I have nothing to look forward to during the day, so thus I spend a lot of time sleeping as much and as long as I can, just so I don't have to deal with the tedium of being awake.
I know that I should reach out. Complaining about my situation isn't going to fix it, and I fully acknowledge my role in perpetuating the problem.
Although the "tedium of being awake" is entirely self-induced, I just have no interest in doing anything, so sleep seems like the best option. I definitely didn't used to be like this, and I really hope I can kick this thing without having to go back to a therapist or take any medication. I do have "good days" where I'm totally motivated to do things, and interested in going out and about, but I hate that they are sandwiched between this crap. But the clouds finally started to part today and I think I'm feeling better/a little more normal. This is partly due to taking the advice of "going through the motions even when you don't feel like it" - which actually can make me feel better - but largely due to my husband. We are talking again, and I'm so glad. Honestly, if it weren't for him I don't know where I'd be.

I know that I should reach out. Complaining about my situation isn't going to fix it, and I fully acknowledge my role in perpetuating the problem. - See more at: http://www.bandbacktogether.com/post/3950/#comments

I know that I should reach out. Complaining about my situation isn't going to fix it, and I fully acknowledge my role in perpetuating the problem. - See more at: http://www.bandbacktogether.com/post/3950/#comments

I know that I should reach out. Complaining about my situation isn't going to fix it, and I fully acknowledge my role in perpetuating the problem. - See more at: http://www.bandbacktogether.com/post/3950/#comments
I know that I should reach out. Complaining about my situation isn't going to fix it, and I fully acknowledge my role in perpetuating the problem. - See more at: http://www.bandbacktogether.com/post/3950/#comments

Monday, February 17, 2014

Tape Mani (Squared)

After about a foot and a half of snow last Wednesday/Thursday, and corresponding school closings on Thursday and Friday, yesterday was my fourth consecutive day off work. Although you'll never catch me complaining, it does get a little challenging to find things to pass the time. Yesterday, I settled on a tape mani! This is the second tape mani I've done, and I definitely like the super clean lines it leaves. I use plain old Scotch tape and stick it on the back of my hand once or twice before putting it on the nail. That way it's not too sticky and doesn't pull off the base color when you take the tape off. I'm not sure if this style has a name but I'm just going to call it "the triangles mani".




The color is Revlon - Silhouette. It's from their Nail Art Expressionist line, which has two colors in one package. See.....
I really like the color combination I bought, and there are lots of other fun contrasting options. Basically each bottle comes with color 1 to use as the base color, and then color 2 which actually has a long skinny brush for nail art. I didn't even realize this when I bought it, but I think it's a great idea. I was able to get a very clean straight line when I made my swatch of this color and I might even dare to try free hand lines next time I use this color! *gasp* :P
The only negative thing I would say about this polish is that the package is a tad awkward. Because it's tall and skinny it doesn't stand up easily by itself, or more accurately I would say that it's easy to knock it over. I do my nails on my kitchen table with a towel on top, so especially on a soft surface it wouldn't stand up and I had to make a little contraption to keep it up straight! But whatever works, right?
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Not to make this the longest post ever, but the title is Tape Mani (Squared), so I wanted to at least add the pictures from the other tape mani I did. This was actually the first one I did, last Sunday February 9th. It was kind of a labor of love because the base color took a while to dry and the first time I put the tape on, it ended up peeling up the base color when I took the tape off. So I had to redo that nail, and then when all was said and done the contrast between the two colors wasn't even that noticeable. It shows up in these pictures waaay more then it did in real life! The base color is OPI - Miami Beet and the diagonal on the tip is OPI - Bastille My Heart. Although it took way longer than I would have liked, it was good practice and ended up looking nice when all was said and done. :)